Please Deposit Here

Y'know, all this infertility stuff is geared toward and focused on the woman and her experience. And much of the blame (or pressure) is put on her, too.

Just recently, Big D made a deposit to do an andrology panel or complete semen analysis. This is not to be confused with the normal semen analysis and "wash" that has been done with each of our IUIs (intra-uterine insemination...or the "turkey baster method" without the actual turkey baster, of course).

With an analysis for an IUI, the numbers the doctors focus on are count (40 million or more), morphology (shape), and motility (swimming ability).

A normal count is 40 million or more. I'm not sure why that number. I mean, you only need one to make a baby. Surely if you had only 20 million, one of them could work. I dunno, it sounds like an awful lot to me especially since we're relying on one egg from me.

Morphology looks at the shape of the head and tail of your man's swimmers. The head should be a smooth oval shape. The tail should be straight, uniform and slightly thinner than the midpiece which isn't talked about much at this point but is the powerhouse of the sperm (where the mitochondria live).

Motility is classed using a number system:

Snagged from umc.sunysb.edu/urology/male_infertility/SEMEN_ANALYSIS.html

We're looking for 3 or better.

The wash helps wash away some of the under 3s and the rest get a shot of fructose or glucose (I forget which) to boost their energy. Then they get syringed.

Apparently, they go the extra mile when you're planning an IVF (in vitro fertilization aka test tube babies). On top of all that, they will be testing antibodies and antigens (apparently the sperm can attack itself), pH (with the wrong pH, these guys won't last very long), some will be stained and scrutinized under a microscope while a mL of others will be washed and placed in a solution to see if they can actual swim straight and for a long enough time (to reach the ovum) before expiring.

Y'know, all that would have been good to know--if my partner's little dudes were even able to reach my egg--before doing all this rigamaroll.

I can't even begin to comprehend how un-romantic it is to m-bate (i don't want to be blog censored) into a plastic cup. But in the grand scheme of things that women have to do/endure--like having multiple people in a room with your woo-hoo propped up--it's not that much to ask.

This whole process has been so desensitizing. I'm really not sure if that is good or bad at this point.