My husband (let's call him Big D) and I have been trying to have a baby for more than 2 1/2 years. The experience has been excruciating. Really. Only those who have experienced it can understand how sad, frustrating, depressing and lonely it feels.
I was working with this 40-something woman who had 5 children and was having trouble having her 6th. What can I say, she loves having kids and they own a farm. Needless to say, her fertility situation is different.
Big D and I got married just a little less than 3 years ago. Neither of us has any kids.
The irony of being disappointed at the arrival of my period every month these last couple years has not been lost on me. Sometimes I think back on my wild 20s and wonder whether I had anything to worry about. There is no way to know at this point. I am not The Doctor or one of his companions so I have no TARDIS with which to travel back in time. Sometimes I wish I did. I would have at least recommended to my younger self that I get a few fertility tests done to check hormone levels.
But then how different would my life be? Would I have settled for one of my past boyfriends just to have had that elusive bio-kid? Which one of those "toss-aways" (sorry, guys. you may refer to me as that, as well) would have been bio-dad? Or would I have been nicer to one of those "nice guys" I never gave a chance to back in the day?
A person could drive herself crazy rethinking crap like that. Not to mention, that would mean I would never have married Big D...and I really like him.
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